As human beings, our natural tendency is to gather in groups. It begins with our families. If we are born in a normal setting with typical parents and relatives, that becomes our learning environment. We discover many of our social skills within the family unit.
Next, we associate with school mates and co-workers. We learn to behave – or to misbehave – with others within that environment as well. Interestingly, animals also tend to group within their own species. In the past, we interacted within our own tribes.
However, not all human beings are born in ideal environments. There are orphans, people like myself raised by a grandmother and son of a single mother, or from parents that no longer live together or grow up in dysfunctional family environments. Not all families are ideal or solid. Sadly, there are environments where abuse and even violence take place.
Many individuals grow up maladjusted within their own family and often in society as well. You don’t hear much about these people. Many of them end up in jail as a result of mental and behavioral dysfunctions. Others end up confined in mental institutions. The rest are loose in our societies. Worldwide, over 300 Million people suffer from anxiety and/or depression. That’s almost the entire U.S. population in terms of numbers. Then, there is loneliness. U.S. News reported as follows:
Health insurer Cigna’s 2018 U.S. Loneliness Index found that 46 percent of Americans report feeling lonely sometimes or always, and 47 percent report feeling left out sometimes or always. A little less, 43 percent, report feeling isolated from others, and the same number report feeling they lack companionship and their relationships lack meaning. (Article here).
As you can see, you do not need to feel terrible about yourself because, around the world, millions of people face similar issues and challenges as the rest of us. When you feel bad about yourself, know that around the world, others are feeling similar or worse pain. You are not alone! That’s why it is so important to understand that our happiness depends on our ability to be independent and not dependent on family, friends, co-workers, school mates or society in general.
From a very early age, we have been conditioned to think that we need others to survive. We do when we are infants and little children, but at some point, we must become mentally independent of others for joy and happiness and see them as complements to our happiness rather than the only source of it. Rejection from others should not carry excessive weigh within your mind.
Loss or death of one or more individuals upon whom we base our happiness can be emotionally and psychologically tragic and devastating. This includes but is not limited to romantic relationships. My Brazilian cousin tells me a story about a female lawyer, 34, who jumped off a building to her untimely death because of romantic challenges with her boyfriend, among other things. People have even killed others because of this issue.
A broken heart is extremely dangerous to people whose minds aren’t healthy enough to understand that romantic losses are just part of life’s experiences. Psychology Today has this to say about this topic:
Among the different risk factors for suicide identified by researchers, relationship or marital problems seem to stand out in particular. Not only are people dealing with relationship abuse or emotional conflict at particular risk for suicide attempts, but studies also show that terminating a relationship can boost suicide risk as well. (Article here).
As you can see, people that are not internally independent can even terminate their own lives because of broken hearts. An unhealthy dependence on someone else for their own sense of joy and happiness. Each year, tens of thousands of people die because of broken hearts, either by self-destruction or by illness resulting from prolonged periods of deep sadness and depression.
Most of these victims of themselves and their mindsets could have been saved if they only practiced self-love and the understanding that finding one’s own joy is more important than waiting to be loved by someone else. You should be able to be on island all by yourself and enjoy your own company or the company of what’s around you.
A survivor and self-sufficient mentality is required to manage yourself in this modern world. While interacting with the tribe is healthy, totally depending on it or on someone else is not. Value yourself, value those that value you, treat others with respect but most of all, respect yourself. Do not be dependent on someone else for your meaning in life or to feel loved. Love yourself. Believe in yourself. Recreate yourself. Set healthy boundaries.
Young children and teens that have not learned self-love and self-assurance can go off the deep end when bullying happens at school. Developing self-confidence and self-love and not paying attention to what others think or say is very important for a healthy childhood and adulthood as well.
Finally, most people have been conditioned to feel like they are not enough, that they are not worthy or that something is wrong with them. I suggest listening to this audio every night before going to bed so that your subconscious mind starts to condition your being into self-acceptance and self-love. People will let you down, they will use you, lie to you, abandon you and disappoint you. But that’s them, it shouldn’t be something you internalize and hurt yourself over, as long as you have been nice to them. If you haven’t, then change your behaviors and become nice.
At the end of your life, it will be just you, so might as well make yourself as happy as you can be now. If someone else wants to complement your life, then great. If not, be happy with who you are!
Keep in mind that proper rest, exercise and nutrition can help you develop a healthier mind. Here’s how to do it.